Communism in Physics
Lodz, Poland, January 2023
The psychopath principle
This principle says:
If you've been looking for something for a long time and can't find it, take something unknown and say this is it.
The psychopath principle has been invented by the chief of physicists (and in fact their great enemy). He received the Nobel Prize for it (it was not officially announced, but let someone name something significant that this guy has done). As justification, he has stated that scribblers and the general public will not realize, and if some physicists protest by showing obvious deception, they will be threatened with, e.g., withdrawal of grants.
Usage example: Higgs particle
This story began when, a dozen or so years ago, the American scientists from the Fermilab center discovered a new particle. They established beyond any doubt that it was not a Higgs particle (even printed newspapers wrote about it; you may check it out). They proudly boasted about this discovery until the First Secretary of Physics (i.e. the Godfather, but that's pretty much all the same) made one phone call. This was enough for the American scientists to conduct a self-criticism and say that they were completely stupid.
The Swiss scientists from the CERN center took advantage of the situation. They already knew the psychopath principle, and based on it they claimed to have detected the Higgs particle. They even organized a press conference, during which – like expert communist apparatchiks – they lied through their teeth. For it was a variation of the particle that had been recorded in Fermilab; still everybody knew almost nothing about it.
Under communism, the events of this type were always approved by the Politburo, wholly controlled by the First Secretary. In physics, the role of the Politburo is played by the Nobel Committee that also in this case did not disappoint and immediately awarded the prize to the creators of the allegedly confirmed theory. This is how the First Secretary of Physics accomplished his plan; he showed that a very dangerous dissident was wrong. That people would waste time and money on utopian research did not concern him – like any good communist – at all.
It is worth mentioning that someone has told physicists that the Higgs particle must exist, for otherwise all their theories would be false (we now know that they are false even without connection to this particle). So there was great joy that, after so many years of fruitless searching, such a beautiful success had finally been achieved. For this occasion, I composed the following poem:
This is finally the ultimate science end
The Nobel Prize went to Mr. Higgs and his friend
Our children and grandchildren will burst with laughter
But now you must know this is no laughing matter.
The American scholars are aggrieved over the issue; the particle they discovered has vanished into thin air. However, under communism there were people who did not follow top-down absurd commands. They were exposed to various harassment (e.g. scientists could not habilitate), but it was thanks to them that that system collapsed. Maybe it's worth doing something like this in physics?